Nobody showed up
Week 6 was the week the league collectively decided to stop scoring. Two teams combined for 146 points and one of them is undefeated. Everything after that is details.
The scoreboard
Cheston 78.84, Rudy 67.98. This is the worst game of football anyone in this league has produced and the winner is 6-0. Rudy scored 67.98. That's the lowest score of the week by 17 points. Here's the part that should bother him: his bench scored 0.6. Zero point six. He set the optimal lineup. There was nothing to fix. Rudy's roster is maxed out at 67.98 and he still won four games this year. Cheston also set a perfect lineup and put up 78.84, which is his way of saying he doesn't need to try. Six and zero. Hasn't lost a game. Scored less than every team in the league except Rudy.
DJ 128.08, Tanner 103.98. DJ won. I watched it happen in real time and I want everyone to know he left 21 points on his bench doing it. Tre Tucker scored 26.7 from the bench. DJ started A.J. Brown, who scored 5.7, and he still won by 24. That's the thing about DJ. He plays badly and the scoreboard doesn't care. Malik Nabers went for 28.5. Tanner's best player was Isaiah Likely at 23.9 and he's now lost five straight. Tanner is seventh in the league in points scored and sits at 1-5. If the commissioner is rigging anything for his fiancé he's doing a catastrophic job of it.
Wyatt 141.86, Bill 87.40. Highest score of the week, perfect lineup, zero points left on the bench, 54-point win. Jaxon Smith-Njigba 25.4. Wyatt also made zero transactions all week. He just showed up and dropped 141 on a guy.
Sean 118.22, Marcellus 106. D'Andre Swift 23. Sean has won three in a row and nobody has noticed. Marcellus scored 106 and lost, which we'll get to.
Nathan 115.74, Culley 90.60. I won and I'd like to be clear that I started the Jaguars defense and they scored negative two. Trevor Lawrence put up 27.34 to bail me out. I'm 4-2 and eleventh in points scored. I'm not a good team. I'm a team with a schedule.
Zac 113.02, Joe 85.30. Zac started Kirk Cousins over C.J. Stroud and won by 27 anyway. Joe scored 85.30 with Jayden Daniels as his high man at 21.
Daniel 107.80, Dan 99.42. Christian McCaffrey went 30.7, the top score of the week. Daniel won by 8.38 while starting a tight end who was listed OUT. More on that below.
The bench report
Dan. DeMario Douglas scored 19.6 on your bench. You started Wan'Dale Robinson. Wan'Dale scored 5.2. You left 28.5 points on the bench total, your optimal lineup was 127.92, and your opponent scored 107.80. You lose by 8.38 with the right lineup and you win by 20.
So let's talk about the robot. Dan has been telling anyone who'll listen that Muse AI might take over his team. Muse AI would not have started Wan'Dale Robinson. Muse AI would not have left 28.5 on the bench in a game decided by eight. Dan is 2-4 and dead last in points scored and he made five roster moves this week doing it. The robot is 0-0 and undefeated. Hand it over.
Marcellus also had a live one. Stefon Diggs 16.4 on the bench, Tyler Allgeier 5.8 in the flex, lost by 12.22. That swap alone doesn't flip it but the full optimal does. 118.60 beats 118.22.
The chug list
Three of you owe the group chat a video. Shirts off.
Culley, Cam Skattebo, starting RB, zero. Bill, Brian Thomas Jr., starting WR, zero. Daniel, Tyler Warren, starting TE, zero, and Warren is listed OUT right now so this was not a surprise ending.
You have until Thursday.
Luck
Marcellus scored 106 and would have beaten seven of the thirteen other teams this week. He played the one that scored 118. Unluckiest loss of the week.
Cheston scored 78.84 and would have beaten exactly one team. He played that team. Cheston is 6-0 and has never once looked like the best team in this league.
Season-long: I'm 4-2 and eleventh in points. That's a gap of five and it's the biggest one in the league. Tanner is seventh in points and twelfth in the standings, which is the same gap in the other direction. Dan and Joe are both three spots better off than they've earned. Daniel and Culley are both three spots worse.
The wire
Thirty moves in seven days. Rudy led the league with five adds and five drops, including a defense swap. The team that scored 67.98.
Rudy also dropped Najee Harris on Sun, Oct 18 and picked him back up on Sun, Oct 18. One minute. Our commissioner dropped a running back, had a feeling, and grabbed him back before anyone could blink. This is the guy who approves everything.
Cheston did the same thing with Quinshon Judkins on Sun, Oct 18, dropped and re-added thirteen minutes apart. At least Judkins is on the actual IR-adjacent list. Rudy had no excuse.
No trades. Bill and Wyatt made zero moves. Wyatt scored 141.86 and Bill scored 87.40, so the strategy produces mixed results.
Injury desk
Daniel, Tyler Warren is OUT. He was in your starting lineup last week. Fix it.
DJ, A.J. Brown is questionable and Blake Grupe is on IR. Your kicker is hurt and you need a new one.
Cheston, Davante Adams is OUT and Mike Evans is questionable. You're 6-0 and your receiving corps is evaporating. This is how it ends for you and I'm fine with it.
Joe, Terry McLaurin is doubtful. You started him at 3.7 last week with Carnell Tate and his 19 points sitting on your bench, so maybe the doubtful tag helps you this time.
Zac, Romeo Doubs is on IR and he started for you last week.
Playoff picture
Cheston 99.9 percent. Wyatt 99.6. Those two are in and they play each other next week.
DJ 94 percent, which is the worst news in this newsletter. Marcellus 89. Rudy 88, somehow, with the lowest score of the week. Daniel 83. Me 75. Sean 67.
Then it drops off a cliff. Zac 29, Tanner 24, Culley 15, Dan 14, Joe 14, Bill 9.
Tanner, Culley and Bill are all 1-5. Bill is at nine percent and still making zero roster moves. At some point that's a decision.
Week 7
Wyatt vs Cheston. First place, 5-1 against 6-0, the two best teams, and if Cheston wins this one with 78 points again I'm shutting the newsletter down.
Sean vs DJ. Sean has won three straight. Please.
Nathan vs Marcellus. Marcellus is fifth in points and I'm eleventh. I will probably win.
Culley vs Daniel. Both of you owe a chug video first.
Tanner vs Zac. Tanner has lost five in a row and is the better team on paper. Somebody check the commissioner's inbox.
Dan vs Bill. The two lowest-scoring teams in the league. Somebody has to win it.
Joe vs Rudy. Rudy just scored 67.98 and Joe just scored 85.30. Set your lineups before Sunday, both of you.